Hello, my name is Christopher Weber, and I am an Adderaholic. I’ve honestly been one since my first addy, but I wouldn’t know I was hooked until I was in deep. This is my blog about my addiction, a diary about the life of an Adderaholic, and I’d like to tell you my story.
Now, this isn’t a sob story about how I fucked that all up, because I didn’t. What this is my story about becoming addicted to amphetamines, and how that has stifled a lot of the progress I could have made in my life, as well as how drugs became the center of my life.
Names of people in this story and across the site have been changed for
anonymity purposes, but all stories posted are my 100% true accounts of
Fall 2011: My First Pill
On the fall season of 2011, I was a junior in high school. I had always been good at school, and had only experimented with the classics: booze and weed. I was in high-level math classes and was involved in the school band and several organizations. My parents were proud of what I was achieving. Simply put, life was good.
I had always been curious about psychoactive drugs, and their effects. After all, I discovered what they tell you about weed was complete bullshit. What other propaganda had I been taught, I wondered. One day, my friend “E” and I were shooting the shit, and he mentioned something about ADHD medications being stimulants that people could catch a nice rush from. My curiosity led me to asking him to let me try one of his pills. He did not like taking them anyways, so he gave me three. Looking up the pill online, I found out it was methylphenidate (Ritalin). I took them home and waited until I arrived at school the next morning to take them.
About fifteen minutes into my first class, which happened to be Accounting 101, I felt a warm, tingly sensation titrate over my entire body, making my hair feel as though it was standing up. Then I felt like my surroundings became much sharper, and my general mood quickly went from good to amazing. In class, we were doing a large accounting simulation. My best friend at the time, “M” commented on how energetic I was acting. Being that M and I had been friends for ages and both shared a curiosity regarding drugs, I gave him one of the pills and told him about the effects. Later that day he commented on how great his effects from the pill were, something about performing like a pro in gym class.
I knew I liked this stuff. I continued to receive pills from E until his mom found out his bottle was way too low, and that someone was taking pills. I forgot about doing stimulants at all until years later, after graduating high school.
Summer 2013: Reunited For Good
In June of 2013, I graduated high school with honors as a Summa Cum Laude. Life was looking upward. I had finally turned 18, and was determined to make the most of my summer. I was finally an adult, and it was time to party. I had partied a little during high school, but M spent a lot of his senior year getting into the party scene at the large university he was attending come fall. Almost every day we either partied, got drunk, or did whatever pharmaceuticals we Midwestern kids could get ahold of.
One day, M told me he was going to see a doctor about his “ADHD.” He told me how easily a person could fake the symptoms and be prescribed pharmaceutical stimulants. Later that day, we were hanging out and he pulled out his brand new bottle of amphetamines, paid for in full by insurance. He pulled out his pill crusher (we did benzos and opiates often), and poured a capsule’s worth of beads in. He laid out two 15 milligram lines, and rolled a twenty-dollar bill for a tooter. Bon’ appetite, and up my nose it went. Within less than a minute, I felt a somewhat similar feeling to my other stimulant experience, but I felt way more more pleasure. And the euphoria just stayed there for almost five hours. Something in my brain was awoken, and it was hungry for speed.
I started buying pills from M, and was doing addies several times a week. M and I worked together at a large grocery store nearby, and we would snort lines of addy in his car during our lunch breaks. I was feeling great, all of the time. Addiction would have been the last thing to cross my mind.
Winter 2013: Doc, I Can’t Focus
My friend began using the pills more himself, and the popularity of Adderall as a recreational drug was just beginning to emerge. This meant my $1-3 pills were going for $5. Five dollars? This addiction was not going to feed itself. I needed a constant supply, so I decided it was time to see my doctor about the ADD I had been repressing for 18 years of my life.
My regular doctor referred me to a psychiatrist after hearing my symptoms. When I called to make my psychiatry appointment, I was told I could either see a “prescriber” or seek “therapy only” treatment. Stunned by how obvious the first route seemed, I chose prescriber and scheduled my first meeting with the woman who would unknowingly become my speed dealer for the next two and a half years (she still hasn’t a clue in the slightest). I will reference her as Doctor B.
When arrived at my appointment with Dr. B, I was asked a series of questions. “Do you have trouble paying attention?” yes. “Do you feel restless when sitting too long?” yes, yes, etc. I was told I would receive a call with her results on the session. The next day, I was antsy, waiting for good news to call. I got a call from Dr. B telling me I “show several ADD symptoms,” and that she was prescribing me Adderall XR 10 mg capsules, and we would meet again in a month to see how it goes. This was a small dose, but a victory for the novice tweaker I was. That script lasted maybe two whole weeks.
The 1-month marker came along, and I told Dr. B the meds were not doing anything. She proceeded to offer two options: increase the dose or try Concerta (methylphenidate) or a new SNRI-based ADHD drug called Effexor. Without batting an eye, I chose the former and came out with a bottle of 20 mg XRs.
The next month I told her the dose was working to avoid suspicion, but the following month I said it stopped working and was put on 30 mg XR without question. What more could an “uppers-guy” want? I had nearly 1 whole gram (900 mg) of amphetamines at my disposal each and every month, for a whopping $7.00 after insurance. One nice thing about being addicted to RX meds is that insurance will help a brother stay high. Oh, the American health system at its finest. I didn’t care if I was one of the several people pharmaceutical corporations secretly know will become addicted to their products. I was getting high at my disposal, that’s what mattered.
2014 – Current: Addiction
I have continued to abuse my script in large-dose, multiple-day binges on a monthly basis since my second dosage increase. A week or two of reckless stimulant binges followed by a week or two of narcoleptic withdrawals. When it was script day, the cycle would repeat. Occasionally I met with Dr. B, always telling her the meds were working wonders. If only she knew any of it.