Does My Life Have Hope?

Throughout my life as a young adult and late teenager, I have experimented with nearly every commonly known drug on the planet be it stimulants, hallucinogens, weed, opiates, alcohol, nicotine, prescription drugs and research chemicals. I have always felt a little out of place in society and have enjoyed the alteration of reality drugs of any class provide me. My genetics likely pronounce this as I have several relatives who have had the tendancy to indulge in whatever substance they found they liked best, and typically they have gone full force with consuming said substance.

I had a huge problem with Adderall. It just “clicked” and and I was hooked on that feeling of euphoria and energy. It consumed me for over 4 years and I’ve been around three months clean of it as of today. On the flip side, I went from being a relatively responsible drinker who would maybe binge drink when out partying and that’s it to someone who drinks 8-10 doses of hard liquor a night to get drunk and subsequently pass out.

I think I am starting to discover that Adderall wasn’t my problem, but rather a strong intrinsic feeling of hating sobriety. I used to not even enjoy alcohol, and now because it is what I consume more frequently than other substances, I am starting to love it. That scares me.

I don’t think I’m specifically an alcoholic or a tweaker, I think I have a problem with being sober with myself. I get bored and want to get fucked up, and whatever substance can provide me that result I will enjoy. I never felt like I loved opiates, benzos or many other drugs, but I liked them all because they make me feel good, and I hate being sober.

What do I do? Are any of you out there experienced with a problem like mine? I’m only 22 and I know I have my life ahead of me. I have a full-time job offer with a great salary and work that I love. My life is great. But I still feel like there is no other way than getting fucked up each and every day. I need to reevaluate things. Any tips?

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